4SQUARE: Bad Roommate

Dear AP :

I am starting to think that my roommate may be a pathological liar. One night we were having a bro-down when something was mentioned about Drew Carey. He says, "You know I gave Drew Carey his start". I really didn't know how to react but that didn't matter as he continued his story about him running a comedy club years ago and giving not only Drew Carey his start but also one of the Wayans brothers (no specification as to which one) and "tons of other comedians".

Immediately after finishing that story he launched into another story about how he used to be paralyzed from the neck down. Doctors told him that he would never walk again. He says a doctor told him they were going to remove a few of his vertebrae and he promptly told the doctor that they would do no such thing. He then instructed the doctor on how to perform an operation called "Neo-Plasticis" (sp?), which the doctor had never heard of.

According to him he figured out how to cure himself and instructed the doctor through the surgery and now he has no problem walking, running, and performing every day tasks. Since that night he has gone on to tell me that he modelled for 6 years (he is 29, that leaves a lot of time to run a comedy club and have a debilitating medical condition), bought a house for one of his friends, he regularly gives his brand new cars to friends in need, and knows an incredible amount of famous people (usually he has helped them get where they are today). Now I guess there is a possibility that some of this is true but clearly not all of it.

Austerity Program, how do I deal with his lies? Should I call him on it or just sit back and listen to his stories.


Someone's Lying aboUt Themselves


Dear SLUT,

The hallmark of all good relationships is trust and faith. Without these essential building blocks, social order would break down and human being would flick each other with feces like monkeys do.

When trust is violated, the results can be devastating. When I was in high school, a friend of mine received a car for his 16th birthday. It was basically a payoff from his absentee father who never saw him or his divorced mother. The father trusted his son to treat the car with respect, as you expect your roommate to treat you with respect.

Well, one night, we got all messed up on cheap wine and beer in the parking lot of the Babylon a-Go Go, a little club near my high school that put on good bands. Hopped up on alcohol, we started jumping up and down on the roof of his car and caved it in about 6 inches. This was a violation of the trust and respect my friend's father had expected.

So my advice to you is if you think your roommate is violating your trust by lying to you, jump up and down on his head. It will show you are no worse or better than he is.

Justin -

Dear SLUHoH,

Thanks for writing.

I agree with Thad, and have only one thing to add: Call the FBI's suspicious activities hotline IMMEDIATELY: 866-483-5137. Tell them that this guy looks "really swarthy" and that his deviant behavior is a terrorist threat. If you're wrong and he's as connected as he says, he should have no problem shaking the bad rap. If you're right, then you've done this country and others like it a great service. Either way, you come out on top and that's what is important.

Oh, and there is no such word as 'themselves'. To stay gender neutral in your reference to this third party, the correct (though cumbersome) thing to say would be 'Himself or Herself'. I have changed this in your acronym.

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